The inner wall

The Inner Wall -- why so many leaders face it, and what it really tries to tell us.

There is a phenomenon many experienced managers face sooner or later. Not as an external crisis or drama, but as an inner turmoil that is difficult to put into words. A discovery of emptiness, without a clear language.

Arthur C. Brooks describes this shift in From Strength to Strength as a turning point where the old way of succeeding doesn't carry anymore. He writes:

“Your success was built on strengths that will inevitably decline, but your happiness depends on discovering the strengths that come next.”

I call this experience the inner wall.

It's the moment where the power, direction and identity on which you've built your life and career starts to crack -- and you notice it doesn't carry the way it did before.

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When something starts to hurt, you don't know why

On the outside, it works. You deliver, take responsibility and keep up the pace as you always have. But on the inside, something else is happening. The drive becomes weaker, the pleasure lasts shorter, the motivation fades faster and the body feels heavier. You do your job, but you feel something is missing. It's an emptiness that's hard to put into words.

This is often the first meeting with the inner wall. A feeling that you have gained a lot, but at the same time lost a little of yourself. For a forward-thinking leader, it hurts extra, because you are used to drawing power from impact, capacity and achievement.

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It comes to the surface

Eventually comes a realization that will not be pushed away:

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“Who I'm on my way to becoming may not be who I want to be.”

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You notice that what used to mean a lot doesn't feel as important anymore. The role you're in is starting to feel too cramped, and you're carrying more than is really good for you. The effort doesn't make the same experience of meaning. Old wounds still affect you. Dreams you once had may mean less now.

On the one hand, you know that you can do a lot and have a lot to give. On the other hand, you know yourself and your limitations more clearly than before.

You can do anything, but you can't do everything.

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The inner wall isn't a crash -- it's an invitation

The inner wall often feels like a defeat for leaders who have always performed, delivered and stood at the front. But the truth is the opposite: It's an invitation to a new chapter. A more mature chapter.

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Arthur C. Brooks describes this transition as the shift from what he calls “flywheel-success” -- where you are driven by capacity, speed and achievement -- to a phase where new forces must carry you on. He writes:

This is the essence of the inner wall: the old no longer works, because something new wants to grow.

The inner wall challenges you to:

to put away identities that no longer serve you
to find a driving force that lasts
to grow in wisdom
To grow as a human being and a leader

If self-image is built on achievement, success and progress this can be demanding. But that is precisely why the transformation is so valuable.

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There are no guarantees, but there is clarity

There is no solution that makes life easy, hassle-free or without pain. But those who go through the inner wall discover something else:

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Clarity

Clarity in who they want to be.
Clarity in how they want to live.
Clarity in which battles are theirs -- and which are no longer.

At the intersection of whomever you want be and what you want to do lies maturity that gives more power, satisfaction and meaning than the old.

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The problem -- we lack a language

Few have a language for this. And without language, we are left alone with it. When we have no words, we go into our head and stays there. Thoughts churn. Feelings are growing. Clarity is lacking. And when everything happens on the inside, without any external correction, the same thing happens to many managers:

thoughts become heavier than they really are
feelings get bigger than they need to be
and the perspectives narrow in to just one voice: your own.

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This is where a lot of people get lost. Because when you're just listening to your own inner monologue, you're not creating clarity -- you're creating echoes.

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When we become isolated and end up taking this journey alone, we lose perspective, proportion, direction and are led to believe that everything we think is true.

For an experienced leader, who is used to being independent, strong and solution-oriented, it is extra difficult to let someone in. We are tempted to try to jump over or go around the wall - and carry on as before.

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The consequences can be:

that you burn out yourself or your relationships
that you become more bitter or resigned
that you are constantly trying new things to numb the emptiness
that you are planning your next project, job or investment in the hope that that will solve the inner discomfort

Going through the wall is not about more motivation or power, but about The courage to show vulnerability to yourself and to someone you trust.

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